Start Of A Busy Month

I had a wonderful time this past weekend with my family! I stayed with my mom at her condo the first night, my younger sister and her family the second night, and my youngest sister and her family the final night. We went out for lunch more than once, we went for a long walk with my sister's beautiful, gigantic alaskan malamute, we went to Value Village where I applied for a job, we checked out a basement suite and an apartment, we visited my father's grave which I had not seen before, we went to a family reunion where I met many relatives I had not seen for years and years.... The final night I sat with my youngest sister and her husband in their back yard and had a beer with them, which was so cool because here I had thought none of them did that kind of thing. It's quite different with the family now, not only because attitudes have changed in regards to my place in the family, but also because everyone seems to have mellowed. Or maybe they were always mellow with each other and I didn't know it because I wasn't part of it. I don't know. But it's very cool.

I met two nieces and one nephew, aged four, five and six, that I had never met before. We got along so well it was as though we'd known each other for years. I took a lot of pictures of the kids, and the dog (I forgot to get pictures of the cat, but will have more opportunities once I move). I feel the photographs came out really well.

The city where I will be moving is chock full of my relatives. Actually it's sortof part city, part farms. There are cows all over, and old barns - even some that I played in as a child when we visited relatives, and then there is the city part that keeps getting bigger. It turns out I have a huge community that I wasn't aware of! Or, I was aware of them, but didn't realise they were there for me as well. Or maybe they weren't there for me before, but they are now. Or something. Anyway, I feel very accepted now. It's quite a thing when one's attitudes change so much that they can appreciate something like this. All these years I wasn't able to take part in the family because of my dark memories. Those memories are there still, but they are no longer forming an impenetrable wall around me.

I went to the college today and picked up my math books. I've already worked through the first section. That isn't as impressive as it may sound - the questions were laughably simple of course, because it's just an introduction. Earlier this summer when I studied my library math books in my first attempt to get some upgrading (when I was trying to do it without any help from the college), I was fooled by the easy questions at the beginning. I thought it would be that easy all the way through. How wrong I was! ha. This time I'm being more realistic. I know it will get difficult and frustrating and I'll probably throw myself crying on the bed again. I have three books to work through, and have given myself a month to complete it all. I plan to move for September first. Hopefully I will meet my deadline. Hopefully I will have a place to rent over there for the first of the month, and hopefully I will have a job right away. In case I don't have a job immediately, I'm trying to save a bit of money so I have a little safety net. It should be easy for me to save, because there's no point in using my money to buy things since that only means more to pack.

I haven't told x that I'm planning to move. I don't know how he will take it, because even though we have no social ties anymore, he still tries to keep tabs on me. I'll probably wait until the last minute to email him with the news. And ... and I have found a home for my piano. Unless the plan changes, my youngest sister has agreed to keep it at her home so her kids can learn to play. That way it will be out of the house where x lives, and safe from his shotgun (another story). Plus I can play it whenever I visit my sister and her family.

I've also begun my online course to learn how to create and run a homebased/p.c. based business. So far I've just answered some questions about my goals and ideas etc. After that part is done I will get to the interesting stuff. I even have a coach, with whom I've spoken on the phone, who is available to me if I have any questions or difficulties.

It's going to be a very busy month!