Here's Hoping ....

Well, the sun is shining, I have my music playing, and I'm rushing around getting ready for my mother and two younger sisters to come for a two day visit. They will be staying at the motel directly across the street from my apartment, my balcony and all my windows face the motel. I've been staring at the motel's heated outdoor pool since I moved in here, wishing I could use it. Today I will swim with my sisters. They're on the ferry right at this moment, they will arrive around 1:30 or 2:00 pm. I'll be able to see them arrive into the parking lot, and wave from my porch. I'm nervous, and excited at the same time. I haven't seen them for four years.

The last time I saw my family was at my father's funeral. My relationship with the family has always been troubled. But ... we're trying to start from scratch. This time I'm doing it correctly. Before, when I attempted to start anew with the family, I pretended to believe my bad memories were false, and that I had been confused. I did all this in order to fit in, but I have since realised I was only adding to the tension. In going back and forth, saying I have these memories, then saying I was wrong, then saying I need to leave the family again because I have these memories, I was making myself look flakey.

Anyway, at Christmas I put together a cd of my photographs (not the nudes), and sent it to my mother to give to all of my sisters as a gift. This brought about a new chapter in my life with the family - my youngest sister emailed me to thank me. I emailed back, and we've been corresponding ever since. Each of us has made tentative steps to heal the bad feelings between us, it's really amazing how constructive honesty can be! To my surprise, it looks like we're able to agree to disagree on things of the past, and actually have a nice relationship!

Last night I baked some buns for this visit. Unfortunately they didn't rise - I had forgotten the yeast! So this morning I got up early and baked another batch, as well as some cookies (some of them burned slightly on the bottom (damn stove! lol). But there are five perfect ones. I have made potato salad, I've taken down all my nudes, printed and framed other pictures in their place. My couch is papered in my nudes, but ... well ... I won't worry about it since there's no way to hide it. ha. I remembered suddenly this morning, that I had run out of vodka (I want to have it on hand in case I need it to relax). So I ran out to the store and stocked up.

Last night I had the most wonderful time with my great and dear friend, in our chatroom. I'm feeling fine. Now I'm going to water my plants on the porch and wait for the family to arrive. Wish me luck!