Finally I'm Back!

Wow I'm so glad I finally found my way back into my blog! I had a major computer breakdown and lost everything that wasn't backed up. After a week of trying to fix it myself (I didn't manage to fix it, but I learned a lot about my computer!), and buying a beautiful new flatscreen monitor so I could actually see something, and finally bringing in my tower to be fixed for the grande total of $45.00 (!!!), I found myself with a nicely working computer, but no way to post on this blog! Somehow, in the erasing of my computer, something was removed that I needed, in order to be recognised as the author of 'My Thoughts'. I tried a few things, with no result. Then last night I needed to download Java for something else, and viola! I can post here! So I'm back! I've missed posting here.

For anyone who used to email me and hasn't heard from me in a while - I've lost all the email addresses in my address book. So if you would email me, I would have your addresses again.

A lot of things have happened since I last posted in this blog. I've settled into my little home, and explored the neighbourhood. I've found some beautiful spots within walking distance, and walked through the forested park that is right outside my apartment building. I've taken secret photographs of people at the mall, and joined my sister and her young daughter on Halloween. I went to a party with them, and my sister's husband for Halloween. I dressed as a very old woman. I wore an old skirt and sweater, a hairnet, and baggy nylons. I pulled the nylons out of my old sock monkey that I've had since I was three. Incredible to imagine that these nylons were stuffed in there all those years ago, by an elderly lady who recognised me as a lonely child in need of a friend, and made me this monkey. I carried a large purse, and even rented a walker from a second hand store (they returned my money when I returned the walker the following day). I've finally got all the loose ends from the move tied up - changing banks and setting up new accounts with utilities and haggling over bills left over from my apartment on the Island....

My apartment is a bit chilly, but I'm discovering new ways to heat it. The latest is turning on the stove as high as possible and opening the oven door. I leave it like this for ten minutes in the morning, and again after I come in from work, and in no time the apartment is toasty and I can turn off the stove! My window leaks every time it rains (the building needs a new roof), so I have to put out pots and pans, and there isn't any carpet so the floor is quite cold on my feet. But it's cosy. It's my little home. I've started a project of cutting strips of material that I will braid into an area rug for the kitchenette area. It's just one room (plus the bathroom), so I have to have my bed in the living area. I was unhappy with that look, but didn't want to trade in my bed for a fold out couch because the bed is a very cool antique metal twin bed with the softest springs in the world. Not to mention, I would then have to get rid of my papier mache couch, and I can't bring myself to do that either. I found a solution though - I've erected a bamboo frame around my bed and hung a nice piece of muslin cloth over it. It curtains off the bed and creates a sense of "old world". It's very cool to sleep behind this curtain. My building manager is very kind, after the scare he gave me during the days when I was trying to set up the rental of this suite. He's just a gruff person, but has a good heart after all. My neighbours are friendly - one of them is trying to date me, but I'm not interested, so I think he's becoming a bit disgruntled with me, but anyway....

Most exciting for me is, I've found a job! I'm working at Sears, in the menswear department. I've been there now for two weeks, and have already received my first paycheque. This is the best job I've ever had. No more ugly uniform, no more hairnet, no more stinky noodle/cheese encrusted mush in my hair and under my fingernails. Now when I go to work I can dress up. I can style my hair and know that it isn't going to be covered up under a stupid looking hat with an overlarge brim. I feel classy and smart. I feel as though I've achieved something in having this job, rather than the feeling that I got from my dishwashing job - which was a feeling of achievement, but carried with it a sense of drudgery and disappointment.

It's both thrilling, and daunting to work at Sears. There is much expected of us, my employers are very strict, but I'm up to the challenge. I want to do well. I must admit it is a little nervewracking when I have a lineup of customers at my till, and the three other salesclerks who work with me have lineups of their own ... exactly at times like this, I will get a customer who wants to return an item he or she bought last week that is now on sale, and so they want to return it and rebuy it at the sale price, and they want to use the certificate that allows them a further 10% off, and the item is for a boy who happens to wear men's sizes, so there isn't any tax, and ... once I get this all figured out and have rung up the till and am about to send them on their way, they tell me they want a gift recipt. I don't know how to go backwards in a transaction that has already been done, and get someone a gift recipt. But I smile and do my thing and try not to let on that I'm getting frazzled, and when one of my coworkers rushes past I snag her and ask how to get out of the mess I'm in. Bit by bit I'm learning my job.

I like the quiet times when I can just wander through the men's department and fold things. I pick up clothing that has been dropped on the floor, and hang it back up. I pull out sweaters that have been crumpled into the back of the shelf, and fold them nicely. I straighten and tidy as I move along, always keeping an eye on the till, to make sure there isn't a customer waiting with no one to serve them.

Several of my mother's friends have made a point of stopping by to see me. My mother has told them all where I work, and so they want to come and see. My cousin was in town and came specifically to the men's department at Sears, even though he didn't want to buy anything, just to say hi to me (we hadn't seen each other in years). Today my mother herself watched me secretly from behind a shelf of sweaters (lol). She came up when I had finished serving my customers, and told me how classy I looked, and how calm and collected and how all my customers were smiling and how much she liked the way I had pulled my hair back into a tight bun. It feels wonderful to hear all of this from my mother. I've longed for just this, all my life.

I've been hired as Christmas staff, meaning I will possibly lose the job on the final day of December. I'm told that they often keep on the Christmas staff, as long as we show that we're good workers, so I'm doing my best to make an excellent impression!

As for college, I'm not getting very far on that score. I'm already badly in debt from the move, and if I apply for a student loan (which I will have to do), my debt will more than double. Still, I'm willing to do it, because I want to take this business course that I spent all summer preparing for. Trouble is, I can't seem to get the information I need. I've decided it would be best if I were to take the course online, rather than actually go to the classes, because this way school wouldn't interfere with work. I've checked out websites and made phonecalls and finally been directed to the woman in charge of online business courses. I was given her email, and so I listed my questions to her, only to be told by her that I should just find out the answers for myself! So that's where I am now, trying to find out what I need to know. I'm trying to be patient in this - at least I have a job now, so maybe I can relax a little bit and let things move at their own pace. It's been suggested to me by several people, that maybe I shouldn't rush into the course so soon after my big move, and my new job, etc. I think this is good advice, though I'm not sure if I will follow it. Time will tell. My new life is coming together piece by piece, so it's all good.

It's so great to be posting here again!