An Interesting/Disappointing Book

I finished a library book today, called 'The Story of my Disappearance' by Paul Watkins. The story is fascinating, but I was disappointed with much of the writing itself. While I wouldn't go so far as to say it comes across as a first draft, it definately could have used another edit before going to press.

I feel a bit ripped off. The story could have been beautiful, if only the excess "the's" had been taken out. If only there were less descriptions beginning with "There was". There's too much telling. The romantic scenes are cut short so they're almost not there at all. One of the characters falls apart emotionally, when faced with his own death - which might have been realistic if the character had been written differently in the rest of the book. The man I came to know in the preceeding chapters would not have reacted that way. His unlikely sobbing and pleading left me scratching my head. It's as though the author forgot to check his notes while writing that scene.

Scenes of incredible violence were less than powerful, because they were just sortof slipped into the paragraph. I can see where the author tried to create buildup and tension, but it wasn't strong enough. I wasn't sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting for the inevitable crash. When the climax happened, sometimes I actually missed it, and had to go back and read again.

Suleika - the main female character, is very independent and strong, but I feel the author went too far. He doesn't fail completely, because I sortof liked her, but too often I found her to be a jerk. There are descriptions of her that made me want to know more about her - where I was able to feel for her, and care what happens to her, but inevitably a few paragraphs later, her face changes. Not in the natural way that people show their alternate sides, but in a way that fragments her personality, and left me confused.

On the other hand, her boyfriend - Paul, is also strong and more than capable, but he's often written as the weaker of the two, and it doesn't quite make sense for the character. It's as though the author was trying to write a modern couple where the woman is equally in charge, and able to fend for herself ... where the man is strong and masculine, but uninhibited about letting his sensitive side shine through, but the author overcompensates. I got the sense he didn't quite understand his characters, or the way a strong, but loving woman, and a sensitive but strong man would act.

Again and again, Paul, who has shown bravery in the face of danger just a few scenes before, collapses into the passive role when he's facing danger together with Suleika. In one scene, the boat that Suleika and Paul have taken out in a ferocious storm, sinks. Paul is out in the liferaft, while she goes down into the hold to rescue the radio. She calls to him "Catch!" and hurls something at him from the boat before diving into the water herself. He thinks she has thrown a briefcase with money, but as it turns out, it's the heavy radio. It slams into his face and nearly knocks him out. She climbs into the raft. Says nothing about the blood gushing from his nose. She cuts open her life jacket, stuffs their stolen money inside, sews it up again, (she ingeniously remembered to take the briefcase with their stolen money, and the medical kit that contained scissors and thread, while he thought of nothing). She sends out a final SOS message on the radio, and a flare, and ensures their rescue. After they get back to land, he has to stay in hospital, after falling unconscious - and no wonder, after being brained by a heavy radio! She, meanwhile, is practically unscathed. She leaves him there, and catches a small plane home with their stolen money. He wakes up days later, believes she's abandoned him, and makes his own way home where they are reunited. She hadn't abandoned him after all.

It's almost as though the traditional roles have been reversed, but not quite enough to make them realistic. I don't think it would have helped though, if that role reversal had been more complete. Instead, I think the author should have eased things back the other way. Suleika could easily have been toned down, simply by giving Paul some of her lines. That would have cured the problem in both characters. At times, the author seems to have attempted to give some insight into Paul's lapses into doormatness (is that a word?). There is some description of his inner battles with his personal fears and tendency to obey orders, but it isn't enough to justify his willingness to take all that abuse from his girlfriend.

Just as with the lack of buildup toward tension in this story, there is no gradual lessoning of Suleika's rage. It's just suddenly there, and she lashes out, and then it's gone, and she's fine again. Throughout the story, she assaults him with kicks and punches and scratches that actually break blood vessels in his chest. All of this is mentioned as a matter of course, and he endures it all without complaint. Yet he's otherwise portrayed as a strong, decisive man who has lived through every kind of horror. He's a survivor who has killed in order to stay alive. He's intelligent, and crafty. The scenes where he becomes a sort of whipping boy to his girlfriend are written as though the author believes they make sense.

Still I enjoyed the book, but only because the story itself is interesting. It's not a book I would read a second time, there are too many flaws, but I'm glad I read it once. I couldn't help wishing the author had edited one more time. In fact, I wish a friend of mine had written this book instead of Paul Watkins. The novel my friend has written has similarities in the storyline - a couple who are in love, and face danger together as they commit crimes. He would have done justice to 'The Story of my Disappearance'. In his hands, the book would have been a masterpiece. As it is, it's just 'interesting'.