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Panties For My Hen
I have been looking for panties for my little bantam hen, and also a suitable cage for her to use as a bedroom. I'm talking about Irma - the lonely last survivor of my little flock. After the last several days' emails from X (I don't write to him - he persists in writing to me), I feel certain that little Irma is best off living away from him. He emailed me yesterday, to say he will be bringing her here to my apartment one of these days (possibly today). I have confirmed with the spca that she can live with other chickens in their large barn, but I would like to try keeping her here in my apartment with me first, just to see if it might work out. Of course the spca doesn't know I'm going to try this. Nor will my building manager have any clue about it. Irma will be smuggled in, and kept here in secret, just as things were done with Catherine; my elderly cat who passed away peacefully one month after she and I moved in here.
I'm looking forward to having Irma, but I'm tense about the necessity of coming face to face with X. I plan to take the hen from him at the building's front entrance, so he doesn't come into my apartment. Unfortunately nothing is ever smooth where he is concerned. I'm projecting my thoughts into the future, after the point where he roars away in his noisy car, and Irma and I are alone together.
I will need a cage for her, for while I'm at work, or during the night, so she doesn't run/fly around and make a mess. I would like it to be roomy, and constructed from wire on all sides so it lets in the sun, and doesn't feel like a dungeon for her. I priced some large dog carriers today ... $80!!!!! I've decided to make my own, using bamboo stakes arranged in a teepee, and chicken wire folded over that frame.
As I walked along the street today, I happened to pass a discarded grocery shopping cart. I realised this would make a very nice cage in a pinch! Irma would go in the large area, and the child's seat would hold her stored food and her panties etc. All I would need to add is a lid of some kind. The thing even comes with wheels, so I could transport her from the bedroom to the livingroom at will! (it would look a bit ugly though imo). I'm thinking I will use a cart until I can buy the material to build a pretty little cage, then get rid of the cart. I'll have to smuggle a cart in during the night when the building manager is asleep, because of course, he wouldn't approve, and he surely would ask why I wanted it in my apartment. I would have to lie, and any lie would sound ludicrous ... although not as ludicrous as the truth.... Anyway, I'll have to sneak in the cart at night, and hope I don't make a lot of noise hauling it up the staircase.
About panties. I would like Irma to be able to wander freely around the apartment, at least periodically, but of course, she isn't litter trained. (is it possible to litter train a chicken?). I once watched a documentary about unusual housepets. One woman kept a rooster in her apartment. She actually sewed for him little silk panties. I remember noticing a vital flaw in her panty design - the things were much too tight against the bird's body. For those who aren't aware - chicken poo is fairly gigantic. So I couldn't help but think, this rooster with his panties tightly flush against his body, must be very uncomfortable when he does his thing, and the enormous turd naturally would be squashed flat between the panties and his own bum. Do I want that for my Irma? I don't think so. Therefore I want nice loose fitting, baggy panties for her.
The leg holes are another concern. Chickens have very spindly legs, but the top ... er ... drumstick area is of course, wider. I don't want the leg holes to pinch her, and on the other hand, I don't want them to be so loose that the turds fall right through and onto the floor.
I looked at some diapers for newborns today, but they're all too big, and much too padded. These diapers would squash her tail feathers. I need something like my mother used to use on me and my sisters back in the 60's - plastic panties. They were baggy, rounded panties with elastic around the waist and the legs, that were fitted over top of regular cloth diapers. These would be perfect for Irma, but I don't think such a thing exists anymore. I suddenly thought today, of using doll panties. I'm sure I could find something suitable there. Doll panties would be a much smaller size, and possibly a better style too. I'm going to look in the second hand store tomorrow.
Another dilemma I just thought of ... eggs. What will happen if she lays an egg inside her panties? Maybe she should just wear them while running around loose, and I will take them off when she goes into her cage, which is hopefully where she will lay her eggs.
With all my looking forward, and planning, something is sure to go wrong in Irma's delivery. Hopefully it will all work out.
I'm looking forward to having Irma, but I'm tense about the necessity of coming face to face with X. I plan to take the hen from him at the building's front entrance, so he doesn't come into my apartment. Unfortunately nothing is ever smooth where he is concerned. I'm projecting my thoughts into the future, after the point where he roars away in his noisy car, and Irma and I are alone together.
I will need a cage for her, for while I'm at work, or during the night, so she doesn't run/fly around and make a mess. I would like it to be roomy, and constructed from wire on all sides so it lets in the sun, and doesn't feel like a dungeon for her. I priced some large dog carriers today ... $80!!!!! I've decided to make my own, using bamboo stakes arranged in a teepee, and chicken wire folded over that frame.
As I walked along the street today, I happened to pass a discarded grocery shopping cart. I realised this would make a very nice cage in a pinch! Irma would go in the large area, and the child's seat would hold her stored food and her panties etc. All I would need to add is a lid of some kind. The thing even comes with wheels, so I could transport her from the bedroom to the livingroom at will! (it would look a bit ugly though imo). I'm thinking I will use a cart until I can buy the material to build a pretty little cage, then get rid of the cart. I'll have to smuggle a cart in during the night when the building manager is asleep, because of course, he wouldn't approve, and he surely would ask why I wanted it in my apartment. I would have to lie, and any lie would sound ludicrous ... although not as ludicrous as the truth.... Anyway, I'll have to sneak in the cart at night, and hope I don't make a lot of noise hauling it up the staircase.
About panties. I would like Irma to be able to wander freely around the apartment, at least periodically, but of course, she isn't litter trained. (is it possible to litter train a chicken?). I once watched a documentary about unusual housepets. One woman kept a rooster in her apartment. She actually sewed for him little silk panties. I remember noticing a vital flaw in her panty design - the things were much too tight against the bird's body. For those who aren't aware - chicken poo is fairly gigantic. So I couldn't help but think, this rooster with his panties tightly flush against his body, must be very uncomfortable when he does his thing, and the enormous turd naturally would be squashed flat between the panties and his own bum. Do I want that for my Irma? I don't think so. Therefore I want nice loose fitting, baggy panties for her.
The leg holes are another concern. Chickens have very spindly legs, but the top ... er ... drumstick area is of course, wider. I don't want the leg holes to pinch her, and on the other hand, I don't want them to be so loose that the turds fall right through and onto the floor.
I looked at some diapers for newborns today, but they're all too big, and much too padded. These diapers would squash her tail feathers. I need something like my mother used to use on me and my sisters back in the 60's - plastic panties. They were baggy, rounded panties with elastic around the waist and the legs, that were fitted over top of regular cloth diapers. These would be perfect for Irma, but I don't think such a thing exists anymore. I suddenly thought today, of using doll panties. I'm sure I could find something suitable there. Doll panties would be a much smaller size, and possibly a better style too. I'm going to look in the second hand store tomorrow.
Another dilemma I just thought of ... eggs. What will happen if she lays an egg inside her panties? Maybe she should just wear them while running around loose, and I will take them off when she goes into her cage, which is hopefully where she will lay her eggs.
With all my looking forward, and planning, something is sure to go wrong in Irma's delivery. Hopefully it will all work out.
posted by Marian (Jolene) | 1:40 p.m.
2 Comments:
Hee hee! This post is a hoot! I'm trying to picture chickens in diapers and am utterly failing. If it works, you've got to post a picture!
(Pampers, for happier, drier chicks)
Marian, check out your local Wal-Mart for "plastic panties". In our house we call them rubber pants, and our youngest son is still in 1960's cloth diapers with pins and rubber pants. Yes they do still make them. Good luck with it!
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