The Glass is Always Half....

It's said that we create our own luck. I think this is partly true. A person who makes the best of what they've been handed, takes control of their own destiny, and possibly re-routes the path in a better direction.

I believe many people use the term "bad luck" as an excuse for their lack of trying. And I believe that optimism plays a large part in turning one's luck around. My ex is a negative person. Even when he puts all he has into changing a negative in his life, he never believes he will succeed. Constantly bracing himself against the onslaught, he misses every small break in the storm. In his opinion the sky is always cloudy. If he happens to catch the odd ray of sun, he can't relax to enjoy the respite, because he must prepare for the torrent that he believes is just around the corner.

He likes to say he's an unlucky person. With him, I was never allowed to forget that a storm cloud hovered constantly above our heads. When something positive occured, he insisted we would soon be drenched with hail and put back in our places. He believes that a football game will be lost if he watches it, even though he always watches, and they don't always lose. He rarely notices the good things that happen to him, but always takes exaggerated note of the bad. His every waking moment is tainted by the belief that he was born under a bad sign. For some reason, during our years together, we kept finding pennies everywhere. They appeared in the oddest places. Most people call these 'pennies from heaven'. He called them "bad news from a ghost that was haunting us". Yet he insisted that I collect them, and even bought me a glass pig to keep them. He wanted to hoard this believed ill fortune like some kind of martyr. I believe he has become comfortable under his dark cloud. It has become part of him now, not to mention it offers a handy excuse for everything wrong in his life.

Since I left him, my "luck" is almost exclusively positive. With my job, and with the various ways I'm attempting to make a bit of money on the side, I'm encountering very few roadblocks. When I do, they have a way of clearing away before long. This turnaround began almost the moment I made the decision to move out of the house we shared. One hurdle after another fell away, allowing me to move forward at a fairly steady pace. I'm a bit superstitious. I'm tempted to believe that we were a bad match, and all these years my 'good luck' was being blocked by his negativity. On the other hand, I've been working hard to achieve the things I need, to make a new life for myself. I've come alive for the first time in years.

My life these past two months hasn't all been pleasant. In a single week, my elderly cat passed away, I was told that I have cataracts, I weighed myself at the doctor's office and discovered that I'd lost ten pounds, leaving me at a frighteningly thin ninety pounds, and my ex outdid himself in playing the psychopath. I felt sorry for myself for a little while, and then I made the decision to fight back. I reminded myself that my cat had enjoyed a wonderful, long life, and didn't suffer in her dying. I have stopped wearing my contacts so often, in favour of wearing my glasses. I avoid the sun's ultraviolet rays by wearing sunglasses on sunny days. I force myself to eat. I barr my ex from my apartment. In these ways I take control of the negatives in my life, rather than buckle under a mountain of self pity as I decry my "bad luck".

I've read that pessimistic people who believe they tend towards bad luck, live shorter lives than do optimistic people. Likely, they would count this as yet another blow over which they have no control - just more bad luck for them to die young. In one way, I wonder if there's a particle of truth to this fatalistic view. Can these people even help being negative? Maybe they can't change their makeup anymore than I could become a pessimist. I suppose that's an idea worth thinking about - but I'd rather not. It's just too damn depressing.